It’s fascinating how my clients’ issues seem to go in themes. One week it is emotional enmeshment, the next it’s lack of confidence, another it is victim mode: ‘they’ are doing this to me...again. This week’s Big Theme? TRUST.
What are they saying?
“I don’t trust men. I don’t trust women. Men are manipulative. Women are manipulative. ‘They’ say one thing, and mean another. ‘They’ are liars. None of them can be trusted. I don’t trust anyone! I don’t trust life! I’m never dating again. I’m never getting married again."
Which always leads to.. "I don’t feel safe or secure." Then, out of fear, comes shutdown, lock down mode.
Maladaptive coping skills become the theme.
Keeping things on the surface, shallow, don’t get too close, don’t date at all, date around, getting overly distracted and crazy busy in work, alcohol, food, crazy fitness, anything to avoid...
Any of this sound familiar to you or someone you know? These are the ‘walls’ we put up to protect ourselves when we don’t trust.
But what is this trust thing really?
What is it that we’re running, hiding, shutting down from in truth?
Do YOU trust YOU?
What if …
What if the truth is that you’ve lost trust in your own inner knowing, your own gut feelings, your own inner radar? What if it’s really about coming to a place of trusting yourself again? Deep down we know what feels good to us and what doesn’t. Deep down we know that we heard or saw the signals, the signs, but we didn’t trust our gut, our inner wisdom, our intuition, and we went there anyway .. again. OR, we didn’t go there at all.
The truth is, it’s not about trusting them: it’s about trusting yourself!
Adding onto that, Valuing You!
If you value yourself and trust your instincts and inner radar, you will better recognize and rendezvous with people that feel good to you, with experiences that feel good to you---with people you can trust.
Do I trust and value myself enough to listen and follow my first instincts?
First instincts when truly paid attention to, give us valuable information as to go toward someone or something, or to say no thank you. When we don’t listen to those first instincts and do it anyway, it’s usually because we have justified something in our mind. Why do we do that? Maybe we’d rather be with someone, even if untrustworthy, than no one at all? This is not easy to look at, but maybe it is time to get real.
If you feel you can't trust, you will close up in one way or another. You will put up the walls that keep you from feeling the trust you want to feel. This, of course, keeps you from having the relationship/experiences you want.
You cannot have trust in anyone if you continue to think 'they' can't be trusted.
This has now become your lens, and it is all you will see. You will then never see the ones who actually are trustworthy, because you knowingly or unknowingly have a filter, a lens you're looking through that says, "no one can be trusted.'
So how do we turn this around?
It starts with you. Would you like to be able to trust again? Would you like to be able to trust your instincts again? Getting in touch with you, unconditionally loving you, believing you?
What does it mean to trust life? It means to allow life to happen, to allow life to come to you. Allow yourself to explore. Allow yourself to move where you’re moved. Yes, that means on first impulse, don’t question, GO. See where it takes you. Guaranteed it will take you to places you’ve never been or thought you’d go. It will take you to places you may not want to go again, which is valuable information! It will also take you to more bliss and JOY and euphoria than ever imagined.
Find your own inner trust, again.
Get in touch with your heart again.
Use your own inner navigation again.
Take down walls, and move toward your life
(This will be the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Not kidding for a minute.)
Believe it or not, you are inherently spontaneous. You have a tremendous amount of trust in this universe at your core. Adventure is what brings you new experiences, and new experiences add to your overall growth.
It is time to have a new relationship with your reality. Let your reality show you how much fun can be had through living in a state of inconsistency, and even a state of instability.
Living means moving forward. It means seeking out that which is unknown. It is the easiest way for you to accelerate the JOY in your life. Just do something new or do something differently than you’ve ever done it before.
Let yourself be inspired in every moment to a new perspective, a new approach, a new way, and see how reality will give you even more to get excited about. See how many adventures can come your way. See how much life has to offer you when you let go of control and you let in your true spontaneous nature.
Let that take over, and enjoy the ride.
Linda Anderson, Co-Founder | JOY Undiluted