When I first met Linda Anderson (a certified Life Coach, and my current business partner) nearly two years ago, I had no idea what it really meant to be a Life Coach or what it would be like to work with one. As a pretty joyful person outwardly, I certainly suffered from symptoms and realities of depression privately. I blamed my depression on circumstances and situations, rather than focusing on deeper feelings and beliefs that were actually causing these circumstances and situations. Yep, I said causing them.
As an example, when we allow ourselves to enter, and stay in relationships that do not serve us well, they tend to bring us down. And since we are people of FREE WILL, we simply do not have to stay in relationships that do not fill our heart, mind and soul with joy. I am the poster child for finding good in others, even if they are full of ego, fear, self-serving agenda’s, excuses and more. Working with a life coach I was able to see that though finding good in others is a nice quality, I was actually giving the bad behavior of others a free pass by allowing said behavior to affect me negatively.
Here are a few things I learned through a Life Coach that I hope are helpful to you as well:
If a person diminishes you in any way, they are projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you. Because of this, they find comfort in bringing others down. The most important take-away is to understand that just because someone says something negative about you, it does not make it true. Sounds simple, right? But we often internalize how others view us because we’re human. You can’t control what others say about you, but you CAN control how you react to it.
The Lesson: Do not own the negative thoughts of others, they are not yours to own or hold!
If a person abuses alcohol, drugs, food or any substance it is typically a sign of some sort of inner struggle and a lack of honor for their body as a vital vessel of life. Though it is nice to think we can help these folks, it is not very likely that our advice, help or encouragement will make a difference. Real change starts within, so if these folks want to make a change they will indeed need their own “aha!” moment in order for real change to begin.
The Lesson: Though we love these people we cannot take on the responsibility for their choices or allow their choices to negatively impact us!
If you are in a relationship with someone who struggles with the truth, your relationship is, in-fact, anchored on a foundation of sand. It is incredibly frustrating trying to sort through the pile of bullshit these types of people often serve up, so I am telling you - nicely - not to do it. People who truly care about you, and furthermore, care about themselves, do not have to lie, embellish or make things up to boost or protect their ego.
The Lesson: People who live in truth rock, people who don’t...suck! Period.
Surround yourself with people who live authentically, and your well-being will reap the benefits.
Kendra McComb, Co-Founder, Joy Undiluted